Why do I find sex so painful?
And how do I get rid of it?
I came across this quote whilst reading the biography of Aung San Suu Kyi, the 1991 Nobel prize winner who dedicated her life to human rights and freedom. I contemplated the notion of freedom from fear and found myself reflecting on some of the experiences of my patients. Especially those who were suffering from Dyspareunia, a persistent pain condition that occurs before, during and after sexual intercourse. In this modern world, fear and imprisonment can exist in many forms.
What is the use of a body if you did not have the freedom to do anything and everything you wanted with it?
Sexual pain is often called vestibulodynia, vulva-vaginal pain, provoked vulvodynia, vaginismus or genito-pelvic pain/penetration disorder…. no matter the name, its impact is of most importance. The influence on self-confidence, relationships and sense of womanhood is immense. There is little information on treatment for sexual pain, so women feel trapped in their bodies!
Breaking the vicious cycle of sexual pain!
People are astonished to learn that dyspareunia is real, they are not the only one and something can be done about it. Treatment is not as simple as “have a glass of wine and try to relax” as many women were told to do. Pain is a complex web; it is not in the head and there is nothing wrong with the woman. There are underlying causes and proven treatments that can help ease painful intercourse. I share with you my role as a Women’s Health Physiotherapist helping women overcome their fear of intimacy.
The most important thing is to listen to the woman!
Understand her story, make sense of her fears, past experiences,relationships, stresses and pain triggers.
Carefully assess.
Considerate and gentle assessment is imperative to identify all the physical contributors to her pelvic pain, I use real-time ultrasound and gentle pelvic assessments.
Validate her pain and empower change.
Break down the myths and educate her with the correct tools to manage her pain and muscle tightness. Management is the dedicated collaboration between doctors, psychologist, and physiotherapist with the woman as the central focus.
Emily is one of my patients who suffered from vaginismus. I approached her to write about her story and she welcomed the opportunity in hopes that other women may know of a life free of fear.
This is Emily’s story…
“In May 2019 at the age of 26, I was diagnosed by a gynaecologist with two vaginal conditions: vaginismus and vestibulodynia. I had been thinking of going to the gynaecologist for about a year before doing it. I had come across vaginismus on the internet when I googled “why do I find sex so painful?”. But I had experienced pain in that area since the day I put in my first tampon aged 15. I was told a big part of my treatment would be to work with a physiotherapist that specialised in women’s health/pelvic floor and my gyno referred me on to Thi Anh.
I remember meeting Thi Anh for the first time very clearly, she bounced into the waiting room to greet me with a huge welcoming smile. We sat down for an hour and talked through everything in that first appointment. It was somehow just easy to open-up to Thi Anh – she gives off such a warm, caring vibe yet is also very thorough and intelligent. You can tell she genuinely loves helping women and is so incredibly passionate about what she does.
I was shocked but also relieved when she told me just how many patients she treats with the same conditions as myself. I did not know anyone else in my life that had them, I had only read about them on the internet (and had never heard of vestibulodynia until the gyno said the word out loud). It made me feel at ease and that I was not alone. It was also nice being able to talk to someone who knew about my conditions and what I was going through. It is very easy to talk to Thi Anh; she feels like an old friend.
Whilst there are numerous parts to recovery, seeing a physio has been imperative in my journey. Thi Anh taught me how to train my muscles to do what they were supposed to do whilst working on my fears. It was this careful, well thought out approach that has really made a huge difference. It also allowed me to get more comfortable with my body in a safe environment. We gradually work towards sexual intercourse and I was surprised when it happened that the pain was virtually gone.
Thi Anh has literally changed my life. I am so unbelievably grateful that I have access to her.
I hope sharing my story can help to empower others to seek help rather than living with sexual pain. Emily”
The Best Way Out is Always Through! – Robert Frost
If upon reading this, it resonates with you or someone you know, reach out, and have that conversation! – Thi Anh